dreamin

is it possible to wake up from a dream crying? apparently it is… my dream last night was a normal one, weird and random. but the feelings i felt in it were real. i was yelling at a friend because i had pent up anger about many things and they mentioned my mom. i ran into my bedroom in the dream and started balling. then i woke up from the dream with tears down my cheeks. needless to say i started thinking very intently on how my life has been without her, my grandpa’s recent passing, and all the little things in between. i’ve always been independent because i had to go through my childhood without a real mother. i’ve always been a tomboy because i was always influenced by my brother and dad. the good die young, yes. and it’s made me, well me. so how am i ever going to find a deeply meaningful connection with someone who will make the world seem to make sense again? there’s always been a part of me empty and i don’t really know what should fill it. i know why that piece is missing, and i know i can’t get it back, but how can i fill it? i’ve come to the conclusion today that the man i shall marry will fill that emptiness. fuck all the bullshit. life is about real talks, real emotions. true feelings, things that are indescribable. everything on the outside doesn’t matter. it’s what is deep, deep inside a person that makes them who they really are. i know someone out there will understand me, and get me for who i am.

holla

wow. it’s been like a couple months since i’ve updated. not sure who still follows, but as of right now i’m living in Ptbo and i finally have a job! i work at the bingo place here. it’s pretty funny, i didn’t know bingo was so popular. so many dabber bags and different coloured dabbers. some people set up their spot with like trophies and little good luck charms, it’s so cute! my taste in music recently changed. i’ve gotten into drum n bass! i went to my first show, chase & status, and it was amazing…minus the bad trip. ima post my favourite song by them. check it out!

yeah i actually do! it’s pretty sweet, definitely chill. it’s a small environment, smaller classes, professors are nicer, etc. what are you thinking of taking?

family comes first

done by Megan at Mike’s Tattoo in Peterborough, ON :)

updates

sooo, i turn 20 tomorrow! happy birthday to me :) didn’t plan anything per se this year. just plain old going out to my favourite club tonight. my birthday present to myself is a tattoo that honours my grandpa’s recent depart from this world, and also a much bigger piece that has to do with the music that has helped me through some rough times in my past. the appointment is booked and i’m ready to go! next week, i will be inked :)

i had to add that, i just realized this now….but circa survive came back into my life right in the nick of time, during my grandpa’s situation. so i guess this tattoo represents two different times in my life. one where i was young, naive, and never really truly happy. and the second where circa came back to help me through my grandpa’s passing. god, i love them :)

i’m not as Christian as i used to be…i’m kinda in the moratorium phase if anyone gets that psychology reference haha. but, what this song is asking, is really, if there is something more out there. there must be something more alive and worth living for than technology, money, and this system that we were born into.

i love this girl…always a good time with her :)

well, maybe it’s just me. but i feel like the internet and laptops totally make us antisocial. for instance, i come back from a weekend at home to my one roommate watching a movie in the living room, while his girlfriend is on a macbook, and my other roommate is on his macbook too. i sit down and no one says anything (and not because they all hate me lol) but they are literally staring at their screens. so i try to make conversation and asked how everyone’s weekend was. not surprisingly, no one did anything special. they just “chilled”. ON THEIR MACBOOKS. and this type of scenario can be seen a lot at our house. and probably in every other student living situation. the internet consumes us so much. sometimes it’s for something productive, but other times it’s just to kill some time…look at irrelevant stuff…FACEBOOK. you know, it’s funny. facebook is supposed to bring people together…it’s a SOCIAL network. but nothing is social about it, except the fact that people can write on each other’s walls, invite each other to events, and post pictures. and WHILE people are stuck behind their screens on facebook trying to be “social”, there could be ACTUAL people in the room and they could care less to socialize! what is happening! ever since i deactivated facebook, it became the smallest priority of mine. why did i go on it for hours before if it’s actually not that important to me? just because it was there, and people go on it, so i did too. but i realized that that’s a lame excuse to make friends. anyways…just my thought on the internet, and facebook.

/end rant.